In Dreams
by AozoraNoShita
Summary: Ron's Hermione obsessed diary. Halfway through the plot is over and I start messing around with the characters. DISCLAIMER: Only own the plot and Sirius! Not really.
1. Chapter 1

**In Dreams**

(A/N: me first try at a romance. STILL SOME COMEDY!)

Chapter 1 September 3 

Recently Hermione, one of my best friends, became interested in meditation. Not just the stupid Muggle voodoo, but real magic stuff.

I'm Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger and Harry Potter are my best friends here at Hogwarts.

I met Hermione in my first year while on the Hogwarts Express. Back then she had a massive overbite, intelligent brown eyes, and REALLY bushy hair. Well, she still has the hair, but she lost the overbite (thankfully). But she looked like a geek. And she proved it too, by being the top of every class.

I was hostile toward Hermione at first, but it was only because I was jealous. And drawn to her. Which makes no sense. But then again, I've never made sense, have I?

Then, when me and Harry saved Hermione from a troll, and she lied(to a TEACHER, btw) to save our skins, I decided I liked Hermione.

In our second year Hermione was petrified, and I was devastated. Yes, I realized I had started fancying Hermione.

In third year my leg was injured and Harry and Hermione went off to go save Sirius, leaving me in the Hospital Wing, feeling insanely jealous. I mean, it's not as though I thought Harry and Hermione were going to end up together, but just that Harry got to spend more time with him was driving me mad. Grrrr…

Fourth year- got in a fight with Harry. I have all these brothers who have all left their mark at Hogwarts, and I'm expected to compete with that? I don't wanna be 'that kid who was Harry Potter's friend.' And it didn't help when Hermione took Harry's side. I mean, I had already decided to apologize to Harry, but then Hermione goes off with him, and I'm angry again.. Then I make up with Harry. Mainly because I missed Hermione…

It's hard for me to talk about my feelings. I could have just told Harry why I was so upset in 4th year, but I didn't. I could've told Hermione I loved her but NO! This year's my last chance to tell her, and I've already wasted two days! AHHH!

Later, still September 3 

Well, there's not a lot to say about what I did today, unless you want a blow by blow account of how I ate dinner…

Reading over what I wrote about Hermione this morning, I realized two things.

I can describe my emotions to this little book, but not to anyone else. Weird.

I didn't explain Hermione's new interest in the mind.

She's been absorbed in this meditation book ever since we got here. She's barely said two words to me. I hope this phase doesn't last long, because I REALLY need to talk to her.

September 5 

Okay, I'm really concerned now. She's putting her HOMEWORK on hold to read that book. I think she's seriously ill.

I tried to have a conversation with her, but she just brushed me off.

"Ronald," she said, "I'm busy." I got angry.

"What's so interesting in that stupid book that keeps you away from your friends?" Hermione slammed the book shut and looked at me.

"You know the Horcruxes Harry told us about? I think someone hid one at Hogwarts."

"What?" I asked incredulously. "Wouldn't someone have found it?"

"No one found the Chamber of Secrets, did they?" she quipped. "We need someone who knows the castle like the like the back of his hand. This book describes how to bring someone from the past here for three days." My eyes widened.

"The Marauders," I breathed. Hermione nodded.

"We wouldn't bring Peter, of course," she said.

"Hold on, what makes you think a Horcrux is here?"

Remember the note that was inside the fake Horcrux, signed R.A.B.? I think it was Regulus Black. He didn't like the killing and wanted to quit. He knew he couldn't back out, so he decided he'd help the Order before he died. He found out about the Horcruxes and stole one. Then he hid it where Voldemort couldn't find it: Hogwarts. Then he made a big show of being a coward and trying to break ties with Voldemort, even though he knew he would die. But he also knew that he couldn't tell where it was hidden if he was dead." I goggled at her.

"That's bloody brilliant, Hermione! But how would Regulus know about the Horcruxes?"

"I think he might have been a Seer and had a vision about it, but I'm not sure." That was the end of our conversation. Hermione had started reading again.

In other news, Harry stuffed Blaise Zabini down a toilet today. Even after

last year, most of the Slytherins are still here. Even Malfoy's here. He says he was under the Imperius Curse. No one believes him, but the stupid new Minister of Magic, Rufus whatshisname declared him innocent. How that happened I will never know. Maybe Rufus is the one under the Imperius Curse? As soon as we heard Malfoy was coming back, Harry, hermione and I dropped our plans of moving to Godric's Hollow and came back to keep an eye on him. Now, though, Slytherins don't have house points or Quidditch teams. Hehe.

Anyway, Zabini was making fun of Ginny, and Harry happened by (he fancies her) and he got angry. So he stuffs him down a toilet. Bloody genius. Incidentally, it was the same toilet Montague was found in after Fred and George shoved him into the Vanishing Cabinet. I couldn't stop laughing.


	2. Chapter 2

**In Dreams**

September 7

I'm leaving Hermione alone now, but it still irks me when she's 'too busy' to talk. How come she's got time to talk to Malfoy, then, eh? That's right, MALFOY.

They seemed to be having a civil conversation. I sidled close enough to hear snatches of what Malfoy was saying.

"-y father had me under the Imperius Curse most of my life, forcing me to be cruel to anyone the Dark Lord would consider inferior. Once he went to Azkaban, I was passed into the control of the Dark Lord. But anyway, the reason I wanted to talk to you was to tell you I'm sorry for the way I've been acting the past few years."

Hermione positively beamed and told him his apology was accepted! WHAT! What the bloody hell was THAT! Hermione didn't really believe him, right? Right? I'm going to go ask her right now…

4 minutes later

I AM FURIOUS! I went down there and Hermione was reading (again). Even though her nose was still stuck in the book, I was blunt and asked her pointblank if she believed him. She said yes! Not only does she feel believe him, but she feels sorry for him and wants to be his friend. I was so angry when I got back up here I tore the head off my teddy bear before I started writing again. Or rather, I WOULD have torn the head off my teddy bear if I had had one. Yeah. Hehe. Anyway, I'm way too angry to write. More later.

September 14 (A/N: careful, this entry's a doozy)

Hard to think that just a week ago, I was angry with Hermione. Tonight I'm depressed. I saw Hermione snogging Malfoy. Full on. I remember I stood there stunned for a moment, and then ran down the hall. I tripped once and caught myself before I fell, but Hermione noticed and broke away from HIM to call after me. I ignored her and kept running. I heard her coming after me.

When I got to the portrait of the Fat Lady, I asked her to delay the next person who tried to get in. She gave me a strange look but I didn't stick around to see if she would or wouldn't. I hurried past Harry and came straight up to the dorm. I got in my four-poster and started writing. Hermione got up here later than I thought, so the Fat Lady must have pulled through for me. Or maybe she had to give Malfoy a goodbye kiss. glowers She's trying to open the curtain hangings right now, but I put a charm on them to keep them shut. Knowing her, she'll get them open soon, so I should hide this. I WON'T talk to her.

(A/N: I don't particularly like this chapter, but the next is better. How will hermione explain herself?)


	3. Chapter 3

**In Dreams**

(still September 7) 30 minutes later

Well, I ALMOST didn't talk to Hermione. When she got the hangings open, what did she do? She yelled at me!

"What is your problem, Ronald? He really is sorry, and-" I cut her off.

"Yeah. Right. Is it a custom to kiss people after they apologize?"

"Ronald (why does she keep calling me that? I HATE it when she calls me that)! I really like Draco!"

DRACO!

"Besides," she continued, "you've never had a girlfriend! You've never had anyone outside your own family to love! You're just jealous!"

Excuse me? I decided not to bring up Lavender. She'd just remind me about the whole 'Won-Won' thing. Ughhh….

"Hmmm…let's see," I said. "A girl…who's my friend…that I lo-" I stopped there. Blast my phobia of talking about my emotions! That was when I threw my pillow at Hermione, and she fell down the stairs. At the moment I didn't care. I used a Summoning Charm to get my pillow back and then a Barrier Charm to keep any girl out of the dormitory. I think one of the boys is coming up the stairs. I'm going to pretend to be asleep.

September 15

I decided I needed someone to confide in besides a book, so I chose Harry. Since I couldn't come right out and say it, I had to let him read this. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Besides, I trust him.

Awww…-Harry

Hey!

Fine, I can see you're having a moment here. walks off-Harry

Anyway, at first he said, "Ha! I knew it!" and then, "I can't believe Hermione!" Thankfully, he took my side (how could he take Hermione's side when I was obviously right? Malfoy's up to something). But he's also excited about Hermione's Horcrux theory and bringing the 17 year old Marauders here. Minus Wormtail.

"Maybe we should help her," he said.

"We're mad at her, remember?"

"No, I mean without her knowing it…" I could tell he had come up with a plan.

We're about to execute Operation Theft (MWAHAHAHA! I am the MASTER of coming up with Original Names For Evil Schemes!)…I just realized that I haven't been writing about what's been happening here at Hogwarts. Just stuff about Hermione. Hmmm…Ah well. There is a Hogsmeade visit tomorrow. But Hermione's going with 'Draco.' glowers

September 16

We spent the entire night reading Hermione's book. Hermione's so caught up with 'Draco' she didn't even notice the book was gone this morning!

Anyway, here's what we did:

I actually remembered (!) a charm from class that makes things sticky.

We cast the spell on our fingers and feet around midnight; everyone else was asleep by then so that they could get up early for their Hogsmeade visit.

We crept along the ceiling above the staircase to Hermione's dorm (last time it turned into a slide). I felt like that Muggle character Spiderman. shudders Spiders….

We snatched the book from Hermione's bedside table and slid down the stairs (or slide) to save time.

The book was full of big words like 'astral projection'; but luckily Hermione had notes that explained the definitions of words we didn't know. We reckon we know how to do it!

We're going to attempt to bring the Marauders to this time at 9:00 (it's 8:30 now), when Hermione will be at Hogsmeade with that

I'm going to go help Harry set up now.


	4. Chapter 4

**In Dreams**

Chapter 4

45 minutes after last entry, still Sept. 16

Wow. Take that Hermione; we did it without you! Yes! We did it! Of course, we accidentally brought along Lily Evans, but that could turn out to our advantage.

As soon as Hermione was gone, we went to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom (we do a lot of our devious plotting there…besides, Myrtle sure was glad to see Harry…smirk). According to the book, we needed to use something the person/s were connected to to bring them here, so we used the Marauder's Map. I guess since Lily is connected to James, she got dragged here, too.

Anyway, Harry understood the book better than I did, so he said some creepy incantation and voila! There were four stalls, one person on each U-bend. They were all asleep, so I guess we accidentally brought them here from their beds. You should hear Sirius snoring!

We decided to disguise ourselves. Well, actually, Harry was going to disguise himself to avoid questions about his family, and I thought it was a wicked idea so I should do it, too. I sneaked into Slughorn's office and found some already brewed Polyjuice Potion, poured some into two cups and brought them back to the bathroom. I was wearing Fred's old robes so I took two of the longer red hairs off and gave one to Harry. We out in the hairs and chugged the potion. I finished transforming first, but Harry is still outside the stall his mom is in, halfway through the transformati

15 minutes later

Sorry, but while Harry still looked like himself, the door to Lily's stall swung open and there she was! She immediately punched him in the nose and he staggered back, hands over his face.

"James Potter, what am I doing in bloody Moaning Myrtle's bathroom!" she yelled. The door of the stall next to her opened and James stuck his head out.

"Good question," he said. Lily gaped at him and looked back out at Harry, who took his hands away from his face to show he looked exactly like Fred. Or George. Or whatever.

Laughing, I said, "You just punched George in the nose!" Harry immediately caught on and faked an annoyed grimace.

"Thanks for noticing, Fred." Right now Lily is helping 'George' mop up his nosebleed, and James and Remus are watching me write…Which is creepy. Sirius is still snoring.

5 minutes later

Still staring…I can feel their gaze boring into my forehead…Arrghh… Well, anyway, Harry's okay now.

45 minutes later

I've taken to lugging this thing around with me and writing when I get the chance. Such as now.

Well, we've explained the general version of events to the Marauders and Lily, excluding anything that would 'disharmonize the timestream.' Yeah. Whatever. Sirius finally woke up, btw. Anyway, here's what was said.

'George'-Yeah…We're Fred and George Weasley.

Lily-You're twins?

'Fred'(myself)-No duh.

George- shoots me an evil glare Yeah, we're twins. We brought you twenty years into the future because we needed help finding something that someone hid.

Sirius- So you needed the Marauders help because we're bloody geniuses.

silence

George- Uhhh…yeah, sure.

Lily- Why'd you bring me?

Fred- Accident.

James- Do you have the map? That would help.

George- Yeah. pulls out map

Lily- So I'm stuck here for how long while you look for what?

Fred- Three days. A locket.

Lily- Right.

George- looks thoughtful for a moment, swears, and whispers to me Ron, the full moon is tonight!

Fred- So that's why he's looking so pale…and come to think of it, he hasn't said anything the whole time he's been here. looks at Remus Can't we just give him a Wolfsbane Potion?

George- No, he might become…I dunno, dependent on it…

Fred- Okay. So we need to distract you mum tonight while those three go down to the Whomping Willow.

George- Right. How'd you come up with that? You're not usually this smart.

Fred- It must have be divine intervention. Let's go.

We spent the rest of the time mapping out possible hiding places. We paid particular attention to Sirius's ideas; his brother was the one who hid the locket in the first place. However, most of his ideas were pretty stupid. Bloody geniuses my foot.


	5. Chapter 5

(A/N: srry, school sucks. Don't need 2 say anymore. If the action seems a little fast-paced, blame it on Ron, seeing as its his account of events)

**16 minutes later**

Whoops. Polyjuice potion wore off. Lily's fainted, James is in shock, Sirius has locked himself into a bathroom stall and is singing at the top of his lungs (horribly, I might add), and Remus just looks paler than usual. Hold on…

I just shut Sirius up. I chucked a roll of toilet paper over the top of the stall and he stopped abruptly. Haha. Anyway, we had just organized Remus's plans for the night. I distracted Lily by seeing how many toilet paper rolls I could lob at her, while Harry/George had a talk with the Marauders. Just as I was about to bean Lily for the 78th time(I know, I counted), and Harry was walking back towards me, we changed back. Really, I find it funny to think about it from Lily's point of view. She'd managed to put up with one James Potter for seven years, and now two? I wonder if they'll still help us?

Tonight 

Okay, here's the rest of what happened 

"What the fuck?" was the first thing Lily said when she woke up. She said it very loudly, and it seemed to raise the others from their stupor. Even Sirius emerged from the stall to hear what we had to say.

"All right, look, we really do need help finding a locket. My name's Harry Potter. I changed my appearance because I knew you'd react like this. Ron did also because…"

insert silence here

"Because…"Harry tried again.

"Because I thought it was a cool idea," I supplied. Lily looked at me like I was crazy. Then she turned back to Harry.

"So you're related to HIM?" She said 'him' with such venom that there was no question who she was talking about. I saw James grimace as though in pain. Harry nodded.

"He's my dad." James sank to his knees, and Lily looked at Harry with a mixed expression of pity and revulsion.

"I feel so sorry for the mother," she said, shaking her head.

"Self-pity," I whispered to Harry, who sniggered.

"Who is he married to? Who's the lucky girl?" Sirius asked. Harry hesitated, so I cut in for him.

"If we told you, it would destroy reality as you know it," I told them. Lily, James, and Sirius seemed confused, but I saw Remus looking from James to Harry, and then looking startled. He peered more closely at Harry's face and then looked suddenly at Lily. He must have seen his green eyes and put the puzzle together, because he looked at me with an incredulous look on his face (I use the verb 'look' a lot, don't I?). I gave a slight nod, and he burst out laughing. Everyone stared at him. And stared some more. There was a long period of staring. Sirius slapped Remus, who immediately shut up. Silence.

"Are you good at Quidditch?" James asked suddenly.

"He's brilliant," came a voice from behind us. (I know this is a total giveaway, but have I mentioned Lupin's teaching DADA class again?)

It was-surprise! - Professor Lupin! Dundundun! Anyway, he sent Lily off to the Room of Requirement to set up two bedrooms, one for herself and one for the boys, who're now in the Shrieking Shack. The villagers in Hogsmeade are going to freak when the 'dormant spirits' in the shack suddenly become active again. Ha!

I don't think anyone recognized Professor Lupin, even Remus himself. They just realized they were in trouble. Lupin said he wanted to talk to me and Harry tomorrow morning, then he went off to his office to take his potion. This can't be good.

(A/N: this is a rather short one, but the next one is REALLY long. Plz review!)


	6. Chapter 6

(A/N: quick update, eh? This chapter is longer and has more serious moments than usual, so bear with me. Something big is gonna happen…something big and random! Blame it on hermione's hormones!)

September 17

We went to the Room of Requirement this morning. The boys were still asleep, but Lily was sitting up on her bright purple bed. When she saw Harry she threw something at him. He caught it and looked at it.

"Oy!" he said. "It's kinda rude to chuck stuffed animals at people." (It was a pink dinosaur with bugged out eyes and blue horns and yellow spikes down its back. Where did it come from? Only the aliens know) He threw it right back at her. His aerial missile hit its mark and Lily fell back on the bed with a muffled 'Mmmph!' That was when James woke up.

"Do you hear that?" he asked. The boy must have remarkable hearing; I never would have noticed the heavy stomping noise if he hadn't pointed it out. I saw Harry whip out the map and glance over it. He looked up at me.

"Hermione." I swore.

"C'mon, Ron!" He grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the room. I saw Hermione coming toward us. I could actually FEEL the evil aura surrounding her. Angry girls are scary. Especially when they know about a 1000 and 1 ways to curse you. On impulse, I paced in front of the door 3 times. Don't let Hermione in, don't let Hermione in, don't let Hermione in. I didn't know if it would work, but by the time I was finished Hermione was in front of us.

"Where is it?" she demanded. Harry raised 1 eyebrow. It had a very nice effect, really. I need to try that sometime.

"Where is it?" Hermione said, even more forcefully. I stood next to Harry.

"What are we talking about, again?" I asked.

"My book," she hissed. 'It's missing." I worked my face into an expression of concern.

"Really? That's too bad. Why are you yelling at us about it?"

"I think you took it." Harry snorted.

"Why would we take it?" he asked. Hermione just glared. It was answer enough.

"Okay," I admitted, "so we had a motive."

"But how would we get into your dorm?" Harry asked.

"There are ways…"she said. I faked a loud sniffle.

"Hermione," I said, brushing aside imaginary tears, "I am touched you think we're smart enough to get that book from your dorm." Her face softened, and she looked relieved.

"You're right, of course. There's no way you two could get into my dorm!" My mouth opened involuntarily.

"Well," I said finally, "I'm sorry we're not smart enough for you." Hermione got a weird look in her eye and she stood in front of me, looking me over. Then:

_**SHE KISSED ME!**_

(btw, James happened to see Harry and Ginny snogging each other and freaked out)

"What was that?" I asked her.

"Isn't it custom to kiss people after they apologize?" she asked. All innocent-like. Then she ran off down the hall. We stood there in silence for a moment, then Harry spoke.

"So. She's cheating on Malfoy…Whoohoo! Go Hermione! You're a playa!" (A/N: hahahaha! I just love that 'playa' part even though it's so stupid! Srry, plz continue)

"You're not a 'player,' are you Harry?" I asked threateningly.

"NO." Good. As soon as we reentered, James asked the question he had before Lupin had interrupted.

" So you're good at Quidditch?"

"Youngest Seeker in a century," he said.

"And one of the best," I interjected.

"And Ron here is Keeper. Won Gryffindor two Quidditch Cups, he has." James grinned.

"Yeah, enough Quidditch talk," Lily said. "It's boring."

"That's because you can't play it," Remus said. Lily chucked the pink dinosaur at him. (WHERE DOES THAT THING KEEP COMING FROM?)

"I want to know what the plan is," she said.

"Well, first me and Ron are going to go see Professor Lupin and then-"

"Whoa! Back up. PROFESSOR Lupin?" she asked.

"Oh, umm, yeah…"

"I always thought I would be the teacher."

"Actually, you were an Auror," Harry said. Thankfully no one noticed the word 'were.'

"What about the rest of us?" asked James.

"Well, you were an Auror, too. Remus is a teacher, sometimes. The best teacher we've ever had."

"What about Padfoot?"

"Umm…" Harry was at loss for words. Escapee from prison and mass murderer weren't exactly job titles.

"Please," said Sirius, "just tell me I'm not a Death Eater."

"Of course not!" I exclaimed. "You're Harry's godfather!"

"YES! Take that, Mum!" Sirius cheered. The marauders gathered around him to congratulate him. Lily fiddled around with the stuffed dinosaur(there it is again!). Me and Harry (Harry and I, whatever) exited to go see Lupin. The older one.

"So," I said, once we were seated in his office. "You knew?"

"Of course. I have a memory of being pulled into the future by you two." Harry's mouth opened into a silent 'oh.'

"Although, because of timelag, I can't remember what happened. Only that we were looking for something."

"Yeah."

"You do realize that you could have just asked me or any other teacher for help instead of endangering the flow of the time stream?" (I could _swear_ Lupin's read Hermione's book! It kept going on and on about the stupid time stream…)

"But we're looking for something Regulus hid," Harry protested. A look of comprehension dawned across Lupin's face.

"So you needed Sirius."

"And that brought up the Marauders," I put in.

"I see. Well, as long as you're careful…"

"Okay!" me and Harry spoke simultaneously. Smiling, Lupin handed us a small iron ball and gave us instructions for using it before dismissing us.

We hurried back to the Room of Requirement and stepped inside, only to realize that something was wrong. The four of them were gathered together, looking at something Lily was holding. With a sense of dread, I recognized the copy of the Quibbler. I knew exactly what edition it was.

"What-" Lily started, but Harry cut her off.

"That, MUM, is an article about something that happened to me in my fourth year."

"You're a filthy lair, just like your father," she said heatedly.

"Denial," I muttered.

"What?"

"In your seventh year you started dating James Potter." Lily laughed.

"That's impossible!"

"Once he, ah, 'shrunk down his big ego.'" Harry looked at me questioningly. Time lag, I mouthed. He caught on fast.

"You were married once you got out of school. Sirius was best man.

"You had a son and named him Harry James Potter. Then, a prophecy was made. One that made me the only one who could defeat Voldemort. On Halloween, 16 years ago, even though the house had a Secret Keeper, Voldemort found the house and killed you. But he couldn't kill me. He disappeared. Then, 3 years ago, he rose again with the help of the same person who betrayed you as Secret Keeper."

"And who was that?" Lily still didn't believe him.

"Peter Pettigrew. Wormtail told Voldemort where you were hiding, helped him to rise again, and let Sirius take the blame for killing twelve Muggles and, supposedly, Pettigrew himself. Sirius went to Azkaban for thirteen years before he broke out-" Lily snorted "-to kill Pettigrew for real." Everyone just stared.

"AND," I said, "Sirius is dead. Trixie killed him. I mean Bellatrix killed him. Dumbleodre's dead, too. Snape killed him." Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out an old photo. Silently, he handed it to Lily. It was the wedding picture. James and Lily standing together and Sirius smiling in the background. Lily stared and then started crying. Into James's shoulder. o0. He seemed surprised for a moment, then started patting her back awkwardly. I actually felt relieved. No more keeping secrets. We were all on the same page. Because of time lag, they'd forget everything we told them. (HERMIONE KISSED ME!) Time lag. Hehe. Funny word.

When Lily was done, Harry brought out the Thingamabob from Professor Lupin.

"You can't stay in this little room the whole time, so this ball will disguise you." They nodded. I arranged them in a little circle, Lily across from Remus, Sirius across from James. Then Harry set the ball down in the middle of them and backed away. There was a blinding flash of light, which faded away to reveal four complete strangers. The ball had switched hair and eye color across the circle.

Remus now had Lily's fiery hair (short, of course) and green eyes. He seemed to have experienced a growth spurt. He could've passed for a Weasley. Lily, however, had long, curly dirty blonde hair and deep brown eyes. She had gotten shorter by about two inches.

James still had his black hair, but it lay a little neater on his head. He had silvery eyes that made him look pale. Sirius's hair was black and messy. His eyes were brown now and…pointier? I dunno, he looked Oriental. Much tanner. It was a good thing they still fit in their Hogwarts robes.

Sirius looked around and broke the silence.

"Yep, I am STILL the hottest person in here." James chuckled and slipped his glasses into his pocket. Didn't need 'em. (BTW, HERMIONE KISSED ME!)

"Very funny, Sirius," Remus said.

"Hang on, you can't call him that, or what's the point of disguises?" Lily pointed out.

"True…" murmured Harry.

"All right! Aliases! I am now officially known as…" James paused. "Brian!"

"I'll be Aidan," Remus said.

"Arya," came Lily's reply.

" I shalt be known as Hunter!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Right…let's go," Harry said. He pulled out the map to check the halls, but lily snatched it away.

"How does this work, anyway?" She tapped it experimentally with her wand. The parchment immediately exploded with ink writing.

_Mr. Prongs would like Lily 'Arya' Evans to know that he thinks she is very hot and has beautiful eyes. _

_Mr. Padfoot would like to apologize to Miss Evans for his friend, but wonders when she will finally go out with him?_

_Mr. Moony agrees with Mr. Padfoot and also states that he will miss seeing Mr. Prongs get hit in the head when they finally start going steady._

_Mr. Wormtail was unavailable for comment._

Lily looked over at the Marauders. James looked like he had a serious case of indigestion, Sirius had erupted into a silent fit of giggles, and Remus was on the floor, sides heaving from laughing so much.

Lily glared at James and then handed the map back to Harry. He checked it over.

"Let's go," he said again. We all walked casually into the corridor, trying to look inconspicuous.

"Can we go to a class?" Remus asked. I mean, Aidan asked.

'Wanna see Professor lupin teach?" I asked.

"You bet!" said Sirius. "Which way?" We're outside the classroom now as I'm writing this. Whoa boy.

(A/N: yay! I finished the manuscript, so now I just gotta type and post! Hope you liked it! And beware randomly placed pink stuffed dinosaurs!)


	7. Chapter 7

( A/N: so. The marauders and Lily are disguised in harry and ron's time to help them look for a Horcrux, Hermione's dating malfoy, what else can happen? let's see, They're going to attend a DADA class where they learn some stuff about Inferi that I made up, Sirius is going to get mauled by an angry girl and he's going to come up with an ingenious plan, and Ron is going to have a random thought and be framed. Want to know more? Then read the frikkin' story. GRRRR…..)

Still September 17, an hour after last entry

That was the wierdest DADA class ever! Although I'm still a little wet from the experience…(she kissed me!) ---- 

"Now today, we're learning about how to defeat an Inferi. If what I've heard is true, your last teacher left you under the impression that you should ask the thing if it was the imprint of a departed soul or an Inferi. That teacher, coughSnapecough, was an idiot. If you asked an Inferi if it was the imprint of a departed soul, you'd be dead in two seconds flat. So now we'll be learning the CORRECT way to identify one." Lupin smiled as giggles erupted from around the class at the mention of the idiot, Snape. Then he proceeded to take roll.

"Ah, new students?" he asked. He's a bloody good actor.

"We're here for another three days. We're thinking about transferring here," Lily/Arya said.

Lupin nodded.

"Right. What are your names so I can write a note to the other teachers?" They recited their names and Lupin wrote them down.

"I trust you're finding your way around Hogwarts?" he asked.

"We have guides," said Remus/Aidan. He indicated me and Harry sitting next to them. Then class continued.

"Inferi have the ability to look completely human. Just looking at one doesn't easily identify them. However, since they can't think for themselves, if you tried to talk to one, it would just grunt at you. Then kill you. Which is why you shouldn't use that method. Anyway, Inferi have plain features, dark clothing, etcetera, but people can fit that description, too. There are two ways to kill one, two spells you can use. Without dying.

"Inferi can't stand light or heat, so one thing to do is shoot hot water at a suspicious character. But you should only do that if you're certain it's an Inferi. I once shot an undercover Auror with a jet of water because I thought he was an Inferi. Not pretty.

"Now, can anyone tell me what the incantation 'Aquas Branda' does?" Nobody answered. Not even Hermione (gasp!). Then, hesitantly, Sirius/Hunter raised his hand.

"It causes a stream of hot water to flow from something."

"Very good. Normally I'd give you five House Points, but seeing as you're not in one…Just out of curiousity, how did you know that?"

"We flooded the dining hall at our own school once. We got to eat lunch outside, like a picnic." Several people laughed, but two people (we were having class with the 6th and 7th year Gryffindors and Ravenclaws, seeing as the school was considerably smaller) continued staring at him even after class resumed: Romilda Vane and a 7th year Ravenclaw named Rachael. Rachael's pretty hot…light brown hair and green eyes…yeah. I was so busy staring at them staring at Sirius, I missed the rest of Lupin's speech on 'Aquas Branda.' So busy, in fact, that I didn't see Professor Lupin in front of me until a current of hot water starting gushing onto my head. As I was later informed, he'd noticed me not paying attention and had announced that he would perform the spell on me using a marble. After the incantation, water streamed from the marble onto me. I'm still wet. And Hermione…she was giving me that you-got-what-you-deserved look that made me want to punch something. Speaking of punching, Sirius got mauled outside class today. It was Rachael. When we got out, we were talking in the hallway about the class, and Rachael tapped Sirius on the shoulder.

"Did you say your name was Hunter Black?" she asked.

"Actually it's Hunter Ro- Wait, did you just say Black?" That was when she swung her textbook into the side of his face.

Sirius let out a grunt as he fell to the floor, bringing Rachael with him. She landed on top of him and (since she'd dropped the book) sat up and tried to punch him. He grabbed her wrists and stared at her.

"So," he finally said, "Rachael Searle." I looked at Harry. How had he known her name?

"I remember, Black," she hissed (quietly, so no one else could hear). "Four students, missing for three days, three of them famous for flooding the Great Hall, among other things."

"So you're doing it?" he asked with a grin.

"Why do you think I'm here?" Sirius laughed, then lifted his head up and kissed her. I mean, I'd heard Sirius was a flirt, but this was just whack (A/N: no, Ron didn't really write 'whack', it's just a reference to my other story. And to TEEN GIRL SQUAD! Cheerleader: "that's whack" So-and-so: "wiggety wiggety whack?" Cheerleader: "nope, just regular kind.").

"Good to see you Rowan," he said. Rachael (or is it Rowan?) got up and grabbed her book before stalking off with a faintly surprised air.

REACTIONS OF PEOPLE WHO WERE WATCHING:

Romilda Vane- shocked, jealous (uh oh)

Sirius- still lying there, grinning insanely

James and Remus- laughing uncontrollably

Lily, Harry, and me- huh?

When we resumed walking down the corridor, James explained to us (seeing as Sirius was still grinning like a maniac and couldn't stop).

"It was Truth or Dare. Wormtail didn't want to play, so we invited Rowan Hall to play. Of course, we figured we needed some help coming up with some creative dares, so we each chugged a bottle of Firewhiskey," he said. Lily snorted.

"It was magical Truth or Dare, so there was no chickening out, and Sirius dared Rowan to return to school as a seventeen-year old named Rachael Searle when Prongs's child was in his or her seventh year," Remus said.

"And she's going through with it!" Sirius said with an exultant smirk. Lily gave an exasperated sigh and then spoke.

"So just kissed a thirty-seven year old woman?"

"No! The conditions were that she had to take a Youth Potion then disguise herself. She really is seventeen. She's going to be for the whole year," Sirius explained.

"She still acts seventeen, too. She was always hitting you, remember?" James asked.

"Oh yeah…"

"Who was that weird girl that looked really jealous when Padfoot kissed Rowan?" Remus asked.

"Uh-oh. That was Romilda Vane," Harry said. " She tried to use a Love Potion on me once, but Ron got it instead and-"

"Shut it," I growled threateningly.

"Wow. One day here and I already have girls swarming after me!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Girl," Lily corrected. "Just one girl. And a fanatical weird one at that."

"The day's not over yet, my dear Lily. Just you wait and see," he replied with a grin. She rolled her eyes.

"Hmm…Rowan said we disappeared from school for three days. I wonder what people are thinking?"

RANDOM THOUGHT FROM RON- "What the teachers are doing while the Marauders are gone":

Sprout: Whoohoo! They're gone! No pranks!

Flitwick: No utter chaos!

Slughorn: No Marauders!

party music, confetti in the teachers lounge

Flitiwck starts breakdancing

Dumbledore and McGonagall jump up and down squealing

END OF RANDOM THOUGHT FROM RON

"Oh well, we can just ask when we get back," James said. Then he bumped into somebody.

"Hullo, Hermione," I said.

"Hi, Ron." She seemed distracted. "I still can't find my book."

"Hey, I found a book," Sirius said. He pulled out her book.

"That's it!" she exclaimed. "Where'd you find it?"

"Somewhere near the dungeons. I remember because there was a giant portrait of a snake with weird eyes that kept staring at me. Really freaked me out…" Hermione's face became stony, and I realized what he was doing. Throwing blame on the Slytherins! I stifled a laugh.

"Hmm…" She turned abrubtly and headed off, calling her thanks over her shoulder. I bet she was going to go confront Malfoy! HA!

Tonight, still September 17

Well, everyone's asleep except me. sigh Malfoy has claimed that he was innocent, so blame shifted to someone who had a motive to blame him: me. Grr…

September 18 (a note from Sirius)

I, Sirius Black, have found this diary (or journal, if you want to be manly about it), and I intend to write a note in it. Yes, I have read this whole thing. I do not snore.

Now, you may think, what can that idiot Sirius possibly have to say to him, besides some creative ideas for creating utter chaos? I'll tell you what:

GIRLS.

I have and ingenious plan, which I shall now describe.

SIRIUS'S INGENIOUS PLAN FOR RON AND HERMIONE:

get Polyjuice Potion

disguise Sirius or James as Ron

get Rowan or Lily to snog Sirius or James, IN FRONT OF HERMIONE!

( I think we should use Rowan waggle eyebrows

Oh yeah. I'm a genius! A genius who does not snore and has a beautiful singing voice!

(A/N: there's another note from Sirius coming up, just so ur warned… next chapter they're going to use his plan and look for the horcrux (since they haven't been doing that like their supposed to…) who knows? Maybe they'll find it….wink wink, hint hint )


	8. Chapter 8

(A/N: now that I have finished writing the manuscript for this story, I should be able to update more frequently! But I'll probably be too lazy!but I'll try!)

Back to Ron, still September 18

Sirius is a genius

Sirius is insane

Sirius is too nosy for his own good

Sirius snores

Lily immediately refused to snog James, so Sirius is going to snog Rowan instead. All part of the plan.

He is looking forward to it a lot. What's even better is that, since me and Harry know nothing about girls, Hermione won't guess I'm purposely trying to make her jealous. Since this is the second day before the Marauders have to go back to their own period, so we decided to get some searching in, then go through with THE PLAN after lunch. Mwahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Ha! We're skipping classes!

Six Students and the Quest for the Evil Horcrux:

The Great Hall- searched

Classrooms- all searched

Hallways- searched on all floors

Secret passageways- searched

Chamber of Secrets- who put this on the list, anyway?

Grounds- searching this afternoon

Tada! We've searched the majority of the school, so we think it's somewhere on the grounds. Sirius has taken the potion and is in the hall talking to 'Rachael.' The same hallway where Hermione is talking to Malfoy, but I can see from my hiding place that she keeps glancing over at 'me.' I've noticed that I put a lot of names in ' 's. Hmmm….

Malfoy's walked off…

Hermione's still watching…

Harry is wodering why I have to write a blow-by-blow account in my journal…

Rachael is laughing…

Ron is smiling and leaning closer…

Hermione's eyes are widening…

He kissed her…

Hermione's stalking over…

"Ron, aren't you supposed to be guiding those new student around the school?" she demanded.

"Er…I'm guiding Rachael around the castle now."

"She doesn't need it, she's a student here!" Sirius put on a defiant look.

"Well, actually, there was a nifty broom cupboard over there that Miss Searle hasn't seen before, and that I would be happy to acquaint her with." And then he led Rachael off, leaving Hermone looking dumbstruck. She just walked off in a daze. Sirius and Rowan have just come out from their hiding place around the corner. He once again looks like Hunter.

"We got her good," Sirius said with a smirk. I didn't mention that I was felling a little guilty now.

"Can I go now? I have a Charms quiz to study for," Rachael said before she took off down the hall. Lily, coming up behind us, snorted.

"Yeah, like she needs to study after taking that test TWICE before," she said.

"She could have forgotten," Sirius protested.

"Sure…" Me and Harry came out too and James and Remus joined us.

"So," said Remus cheerfully, "shall we go and search the grounds?"

Well, off we go. I hope this works.

2 hours after lunch

I am SO tired! We searched the whole grounds and didn't find anything! We even searched the goddamn Forest! Nothing! Ughh. Now what are we goi

Five minutes later

Sirius found the bloody Horcrux. HE FOUND IT!

(Lily, James, Remus, me, and Harry sitting dejectedly in the Room of Requirement)

(Sirius enters)

Sirius: Hey! Look what I've got! (Holds out locket with 's' on it)

Everyone: (gapes)

Harry: Where the bloody hell did you get that?

Sirius: Got it from Moaning Myrtle. She said some hot boy named Regulus gave it to her and told her not to give it to anyone.

Lily: Then why'd she give it to you?

Sirius: (smirks) Because I'm much hotter that my brother.

Me: So…how do we get rid of it?

Remus: (walks over and grabs locket) Like this. (drops locket and steps on it)

Locket: (breaks)

James: Okay, now let's go have some fun.

And so the Quest for the Evil Horcrux ended. Now we're going to foil any plans Malfoy may or may not have, annoy the snot out of some Slytherins, cause chaos and destruction, and have a bloody good time! Here's a list:

Voldy

Cup

Ring X

Locket X

Diary X

Nagini

Something of Gryffindor's or Ravenclaw's

(A/N: kinda short, but now I am free to mess around with the characters until the story ends! Yay! Exclamation points!)


	9. Chapter 9

(A/N: okay, this chapter is really short and wacky bcuz I assigned my friends each a character and they had to write diary entry…..and everyone went a LITTLE overboard trying 2 outdo each other…read below and see what I mean…)

James 

****This is some kinda thing Lily suggested we do. We each write an entry in Ron's diary…I mean journal (I would never insult my friend's masculinity by calling this thing a diary…journal is much more manly). This is my entry. So…what to write about? Hmm. Well, I, James 'Prongs' Potter, am totally awesome. BOW DOWN BEFORE MY AWESOMENESS!

Beast Boy 

Why am I not in this story? Am I only in ONE of your stories, Dogstar? This is insulting! I should be the main star in all of your stories, not just Titanized! Wait…Raven? What are you doing with that muzzle? AHHH!

Sirius 

But I already wrote in here! What's going on?…looks back at other entries…Who is Beast Boy? Wait…why is the name Silkie suddenly coming to mind? What is this evil!

Remus 

(also looks back at other entries)

Being the only sane person in the room, I will be the one who doesn't freak out and actually leaves some important information behind for Harry and Ron. There's a reason we skirted that statue of Theodore the Hairy when we were looking for the Horcrux. It's because we left something important under there. May the force be with you.

Lily 

Oh God. I'm about to go mad hanging around these loonies. I've been recruited as an honorary Marauder. Ron was right, just knowing that I'm probably going to end up marrying James bloody Potter is making me be nicer to him, AND is destroying reality as I know it. I mean, this cannot be happening! I'm going to cause chaos with the Marauders and- bum bum bum- I've agreed to go on a date to Hogsmeade with James! Arggh! I'm calling him James! When did I start doing that? (pauses) I've gone mad. I've gone bloody mad. I'm ranting, raving mad! Maybe I have hydrophobia!

Harry 

Don't worry, Mum. Judging by the other entries, everyone else has gone mad, too. Besides, sanity is overrated. Now, I could write about my overwhelming emotions at having been able to meet my parents and see Sirius one more time. Or I could make a random observation/statement about an old American song by Smashmouth. I think I'll go with the latter. Writing about my feelings is too girly.

'_She was lookin' kinda dumb_

_with the finger and her thumb_

_in the shape_

_of an 'L'_

_on her forehead.'_

This sounds like Sirius talking about his cousin Trixie. I mean Bellatrix.

'_Didn't make sense not to live for fun_

_your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb_

_so much to do, so much to see_

_so what's wrong with taking the back streets?_

_You never know if you don't go_

_You never shine if you don't glow…'_

This sounds like Marauder philosophy. Just like

'_My world's on fire_

_How 'bout yours? _

_That's the way I like it and I never get bored…'_

Hmm…

'_Somebody once asked_

_could I spare some change for gas_

_I need to get myself away from this place._

_I said yep_

_What a concept_

_I could use a little fuel myself_

_And we could all use a little change…'_

Sounds like Sirius talking about Black Manor and his dictator mother…

Yeah, that was random.

Ron 

Jeez, is this even my diary…I mean journal…anymore? Ah well. In the time where everyone was writing their entries, I was in the bathroom. On the way back I ran into Hermione and somehow we are now officially dating. I'm going to go celebrate with the people reading over my shoulder!

(A/N: this chapteris the work of my lunatic friends, Anna, Maureen, Marjorie, Megan, and Ashley…the song Allstar belongs to Smashmouth…dang, I had forgotten they even existed. The nxt chapter is by Sirius. He's going to explain what happened between Ron and Hermione. Here's a sneak preview:

For those of you who are reading this (I mean, that's what people do, right? Read other people's diaries?) I will now give a description of Ron and Hermione's encounter. One much better than Ron's version. An account filled with betrayal, secrets, and passion. However, for the sake of any little kids who might be reading this, I will leave out all the fiery, lustful details…

(A/N: btw, my myspace is ( www . myspace . com / irishkathannah) without the spaces.)


	10. Chapter 10

(A/N: here it is! Just so ya know, s/n means sirius's note….instead of a/n meaning authors note? Hhahahahahaha I'm hilarious)

A Note From Sirius Black Slipped Into Ron's Journal (ahem, diary) When He Wasn't Looking

For those of you who are reading this (I mean, that's what people do, right? Read other people's diaries?) I will now give a description of Ron and Hermione's encounter in the hallway that led to their dating. This account will be much better than Ron's version, '_I went to the bathroom and now we're dating.' _This will be an account filled with betrayal, secrets, passion, and lust. However, for the sake of any little children who may be reading this, I will exclude all the fiery, lustful details…

Ron strolled down the corridor, deep in thought. He was considering being honest with Hermione…about how he didn't really like Rachael. But that might make Hermione mad at him…What the bloody hell was a bloke supposed to do in these kinds of situations?

Ron heard a loud sniffle and looked around to see a red-rimmed-eyed Hermione crouched next to a suit of armour, looking dejected.

"Hermione?" he asked softly.

"Hi, Ron." He sat down on the floor next to her.

"So," he said. And he didn't have to say anymore, Hermione was already spilling her sorrows.

"Malfoy dumped me. It turns out he was only trying to make some other girl jealous…"

"Oh. I'm sorry. Well, I'm kinda sorry."

I still don't know why you made such a big deal about it, anyway."

"Er…well actually it was because…er…I was kinda jealous, no, REALLY jealous." Hermione looked startled (S/N: this is one of the only times you will ever see some piece of knowledge startling Hermione).

"So jealous, actually, that I, er, kissed Rachael to make YOU jealous," he said quickly before his phobia could stop him. Hermione was silent. Embarrassed, he got up and started to leave. But Hermione grabbed his hand and stood up.

"Ron…"she began, "that thing you said in the boys' dormitory, about a friend of yours? That you loved?"

"Er…" Ron felt himself immensely aware of Hermione's hand in his. "Well…I-"

"Ron," she cut in softly, "were you talking about me?"

The boy felt something inside his mind give, and he felt like he could tell her anything. The phobia was gone.

With a grin, he leaned closer and said, "Yes." Then he slipped his other hand around her and pulled her to him. Then he kissed her.

(S/N: yes, I know this last bit sounds kinda like a corny romance novel, but I just couldn't resist putting it in)


	11. Chapter 11

(A/N: yay! I'm ba-ack! Let all rejoice! Allright, I'm wrapping up this story! Almost done! Finito! But not quite! Exclamation points are cool! Yay!)

**September 19**

Well, the year has just started and things couldn't be more chaotic.

It was the third day yesterday, so the Marauders are no longer in this time. But they did manage to get in two more romances and three doses of utter chaos before they left. The school has yet to recover. Her is the _condensed_ version of what happened on THE THIRD DAY!

_**The First Romance( concerning Romilda and Sirius)**_

We were sitting in the common room. Harry was telling Lily about his second year and the Chamber of Secrets, and I was telling the Marauders about Fred and George when it happened. Romilda Vane offered Sirius a Butterbeer.

"Thanks," Sirius said cheerfully, and then took a swig. The rest of us gaped at him in horror, too late to warn him, while Romilda looked quite smug. I know I told him about her history with love potions!

Suddenly, Sirius got an odd expression on his face. He clasped her hand in his and looked up at her from where he was sitting.

"I've been meaning to ask you something," he said. "Something important. But not with THEM around." He shot us an evil glare. "Can you meet me in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom in half an hour?" Romilda giggled and nodded before prancing off.

"You idiot," Lily hissed after she was gone. "Why did you drink that?"

"I didn't," he replied with a smirk. "Being the devilishly attractive guy I am, I've learned not to accept any kind of beverage from any girl, especially I they are fanatically obsessed with me." Lily smiled, obviously relieved.

"I have an idea," she said suddenly. "You were telling me you found Riddle's diary after someone threw it at Myrtle, right Harry? What if we told Myrtle that…"

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_**WHAT HAPPENED TO ROMILDA IN THE BATHROOM OF DOOM:**_

"Hello?" Romilda called. "Hunter?"

"Hi," came a voice from behind her. Romilda turned to see Myrtle hovering there.

"Do you like books?" the ghost asked suddenly.

"No," she answered scornfully. "I have better things to do with my time that read."

"So, if you got a book, say, for your birthday, would you throw it away?"

"Yes, of course. Why?"

"Next time you get a book, DON'T THROW IT AT ME!" Myrtle screeched. Before Romilda knew what was happening, her head was in the toilet and she was receiving a swirly.

"You like it?" Myrtle asked snidely. "I learned how to do this from Olive Hornby."

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_**The First Prank (concerning chocolate eclairs)**_

"Allright," Lily said. "Here's the plan. Me and James will go down to the kitchens and ask the house elves for chocolate éclairs. _Lots of them. _Harry and Ron, you set go create a diversion so no one notices what's going on in the Great Hall. Sirius and Remus, set up the tables."

We all saluted. Lily grinned.

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"Right here," James said, reaching his hand up to tickle the large green pear. It giggles and turned into a green wood handle, which Lily tugged open. They stepped in.

"Hello, Miss. Is there something I can help you with?" The elf looked up at her with wide hazel eyes.

"Yes, we need éclairs," she told it.

"LOTS of them," James added. The elf bowed, and there were suddenly twenty large platters of pastries in front of them. Lily levitated the platters, and after many thanks, propelled them out the door. The portrait swung shut behind them.

Then there was a large explosion. Filch ran right past them muttering fearfully about red headed twins.

"I don't think anyone will see us take these up to the Great Hall."

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When they got up to the Great Hall, Harry and Ron were already there. They looked cheerful, but their hair was sticking straight up. James nodded approvingly.

Remus and Sirius had taken the four House tables and set them on their sides, two on each side of the Hall. Like barriers of sorts. Lily put ten gigantic platters behind each of the two barriers.

"Almost ready," she observed. Just then the doors opened and McGonagall stepped in. All of us except for Sirius scattered.

"Do you know what that explosion was?" she asked him, looking around disconcertedly. She looked back at him just as his disguise from Lupin gave out. Her eyes widened. Sirius smiled a wolfish grin.

"Why, hellooo Professor!" She threw up her hands and ran screaming from the Hall.

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The next period was lunch. As the students filed in for their food, they were presented with the ultimate food fight arena. A lone student walked behind the barrier opposite the one we were crouching behind. He picked up an éclair. We gave Lily the honor of the first throw. We all watched as the pastry soared through the air in a majestic arc (in slo-mo!) and then land –slpat- right in the middle of his chest.

A pause.

With a roar, the entire school chose a side and started throwing éclairs. The supply was running low within five minutes (what with everyone throwing or eating them ten at a time) and new food started appearing on the platters. Food the house elves had prepared for lunch. I noticed this when Sirius got hit in the head with a marinated chicken.

"Ha! Take that, Black!" a hysterical McGonagall shrieked.

"Well, _bring it on,_ Professor!" He chucked a ham sandwich at her. Yes, even the teachers were joining in. But what surprised me the most was Hermione, breaking school rules along with everyone else.

I watched as she aimed a piece of cake at Malfoy. It him him hard, and now there's a gob of whip cream stuck to his ass.

I laughed so hard I didn't see that avocado coming at me until it was too late.

Who eats those things for lunch, anyway?

_**The Second Romance (concerning Malfoy, Lily, and James)**_

"So I was wondering if you wanted to enjoy the last few hours of your visit here with me…" Malfoy told 'Anya.'(A/N: only Sirius's disguise blew. Plot device, Mr Frodo, Plot device.) The rest of us stood there flabbergasted. Yes. _Fla-bber-gas-ted._

Anyhoo, Lily flashed him a smile and said yes.

What the hell? Any understanding I had of the female mind disappeared right then. She went off with Malfoy, and two hours later we are lounging around in the common room, waiting for her to come back. Sirius has fallen asleep and is muttering.

"Stupid space aliens…not my fault…the world blew up…" he says stuff like that between snores. It's actually kind of funny.

(ten minutes later)

The poratrait swung open and Lily came back, pulling Malfoy's hand. When it shut again, Sirius woke up yelling about aliens. Aidan (Remus) shut him up with a well-aimed blow to the head.

"I have to do that every time…Hunter… wakes up," he explained. "He has the weirdest dreams."

"About mutant pineapples," James offered before returning to glower at Malfoy.

"Oh, Brian," 'Arya' said. "Come over here." James stood up next to her. "Draco, this is Brian. Brian, Draco." The two nodded at each other. Then suddenly, Lily kissed James. I was more confused than ever.

"Sorry, Draco, but I just went on that date with you to make Brian jealous." Now, I may not understand girls, but I do understand _revenge._

Then I got up and me and James both punched him at the same time. The sort of thing you see in those Muggle action movies.

_**The Second Prank (concerning fainting teachers)**_

We made up a list of teachers who taught here twenty years ago.

McGonagall

Slughorn

Lupin (not really, but he was on our list)

Flitwick

Sprout

(other teachers names here)

And then we made a list of who han't.

Trelawney

Hagrid

Firenze

(other teachers names here)

Based on McGonagall's reaction to seeing Sirius, we thought we could scare all the other teachers, too. So we changed James and Remus's appearances back to normal and sent them off to gather an audience for our last prank. Here are some short examples of what happened:

**LUPIN (not much to tell really):**

Class: (busy working)

James, Sirius, and Remus: (burst in)

Lupin: (in bored voice) Aah! Demon children! The horror! (in stage whisper to class) This is the part where you all run off in terror!

Class: (runs off)

Lupin: All right, Free period. (walks out)

(this tactic had quite a different effect on another class)

**FLITWICK:**

Class: (working quietly)

James, Sirius, and Remus: (burst in!)

Me: This looking familiar?

Flitwick: Aah! Demon children! Run! (faints and falls of stool)

Class: (runs off)

**TRELAWNEY:**

"Professor Trelawney!" shouted Harry as he entered the classroom.

"Hm?" The class stared at him.

"The end of the world is coming!"

"…My dear boy, perhaps you'd better head to the Hospital Wing…"

"No! Haven't you heard the prophecy? When the bespectacled, raven haired boy of seventeen has a twin, the world will end!" Just then James came in.

"It's true, Professor! The end is near!" He pretended to be out of breath from running up the stairs to hide the fact that his voice was different.

There was a lot of screaming, and suddenly there was no one left in the room but Trelawney, passed out on the floor.

**SPROUT:**

"Now class, who can tell me who was the first wizard to breed Venomous Tentacula?" Sprout asked. Nobody raised a hand. They were busy staring at something behind her. With a feeling of intense dread, she turned around slowly.

Behind her were six Venomous Tentacula plants. The strange thing was, they had bodies. Their pots were attached to the bodies right where the head on a human body would be.

Simultaneously, the plants grinned, baring their fangs. Sprout screamed as the plant/human things proceeded to chase her around the greenhouse. As they watched, the students whispered to themselves.

"Does this mean we have free period?"

(A/N: yeah, getting really random towards the end. THE NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST ONE! WOW!)


	12. Chapter 12

(HOLY CRAP IT'S THE LAST CHAPTER! (sniffle) my first completed fanfic (one shots don't count)! I have an idea for another short HP fic, but I dunno…)

The Third Prank (concerning mass murderers and clones) 

Since every class's teacher had either fainted, run away, or gone crazy, all the students were gathered in the Great Hall wondering what the bloody hell was going on. They recounted amongst themselves stories of demon children and walking Venomous Tentaculas. Even in all the commotion, nobody missed the sound of the door creaking open slowly…

A cloaked figure came through the door and stood on the Head Table. There was silence, every student was watching the mysterious person. The hood fell back…to reveal the haunted face of mass murderer Sirius Black (in other words we gave him an aging potion and made him look spooky).

Of course, in recent events the Ministry has kept quiet about the Sirius Black mistake, trying not to look more incompetent than they already did. So people didn't know he was innocent or that he was dead.

The Hall erupted into screams of terror as the doors all shut and locked. Sirius laughed evilly.

"Mwahahahahahahhhahaha! Now I have captured you, I will brainwash you all into becoming my minions!"

"Never!" cried a voice from the crowd. "I shall not let this happen, you fiend!" Harry stepped onto the table. He and Sirius engaged in a mock duel, complete with hero/villain dialogue, and I watched from my hiding place, ready to go. Somebody tapped my shoulder, and I turned and saw Hermione.

"You did steal my book, didn't you?" she asked. But she was smiling.

"Well, yeah. But the Horcrux is gone, and so now we're having some fun. Now watch, this is my favorite part."

Sirius hit Harry with a beam of light, and he toppled over off the table and out of sight. The crowd gasped, but there were a few giggles. After the good.evil banter, they had realized they were being toyed with, and were watching the performance.

"Ha! Now no one can stop me!" Sirius shouted.

"Oh really?" came another voice. This time James jumped up on the table. "Well, I, Harry's clone, shall not stand for this! Prepare to meet thy maker!"

"There's another one?" Sirius looked bewilderedly at the spot where Harry's "corpse" was supposed to be.

"Indeed there is!" I cried, jumping onto the table (now disguised as Harry). Sirius looked at me then back at James.

We both raised our wands and fired at him simultaneously…and Sirius took a step back. Our spells hit each other and we fell off the table to join the original Harry. The crowd laughed. Then another voice spoke up.

"Don't worry kids! I'll stop him!"

"Not another clone!" Sirius complained.

"No! I am a Ministry official!" Remus, dressed in a bowler hat, thick round glasses, and oversized robes, scrambled up onto the table, holding a briefcase in one hand and his wand in the other. "I'm from the Deparment of-"

He was cut off as he took a step forward and tripped over his robes. He fell down with the rest of us corpses under the table. Sirius shook his head sadly, and there was more laughing.

Sirius had just gone into one of his evil laughter fits, when Lily got on the table.

She whacked him with the helmet from a suit of armour that she produced from nowhere. Sirius also joined us under the table.

"Stupid Ministry," she muttered aloud, loud enough for the Hall to hear. "Can't do anything right…"

Several people in the crowd called out, "Hear, hear!" (I have always wondered why people do that…Hear hear? Hear what? And why say it twice? I dunno)

The corpses joined Lily on the stage to take a bow after their performance.

Applause erupted from around the Hall.

Then the Marauders (and one Honorary Marauder) disappeared, going back to their own time period.

Me and Harry looked out at the crowd and I grinned when I saw Hermione.

She was clapping loudly, sitting astride a headless suit of armour.

**END **

**The Epilogue**

_(The Insanity Continued)_

_Lily and James: Their First Date_

"She's going out with Potter?"

"I thought she hated him?"

"Maybe she's gone mad…or maybe she's not really Lily!"

Lily only half-listened to the rumors that were whispered in the corridors. She hadn't talked to her friends about her time in the future…partly because the wouldn't believe her, and partly because she didn't really remember what had happened that had made her change.

"Time lag," Remus had told her when she mentioned it. "I don't remember anything either."

…That was one of the things that had changed. She was on good terms with the Marauders.

And with James. Something must have happened that had changed her opinion of him; when he'd asked her out she'd automatically said yes. But she just couldn't remember what is WAS.

She took a deep breath and tried to stop thinking about it. It was time for her to go. She would agonize over the future later.

Lily descended the stairs from her dormitory and went into the Common Room. James was waiting.

(WARNING: BELOW IS A VERY SOAP-OPERA-Y MOMENT! THOSE WHO ARE FAINT OF HEART: DO NOT READ!)

"Wow," he said. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," she smiled.

"Here." He took her hand and turned her around, moving her hair to the side so he could put a gold chain around her neck. Lily looked down and saw a moonstone pendant shaped like a lily on the chain.

"Oh wow," she breathed. "…But I didn't get you anyth-"

He cut her off.

"You're giving me a chance, right?"

(A/N: it's safe to come out now…(friend of author crawls out of bomb shelter and shakes head as though disappointed in said author))

For their date, they went to Madame Puddifoot's.

"Strange, I'd heard this place had more customers," said Lily, looking around. The only other people there were two mysterious people in dark glasses, bowler hats, and trench coats.

The date progressed.

Both of them were enjoying each other's company. But then Lily noticed something.

"Uh…James?" She gestured towards the window. Almost half of the student body had their noses pressed against the glass. James grinned.

"You'd think we were celebrities," he said.

He signaled to the men in the trenchcoats. They got up and exited the doors, mingling in the crowd. Then suddenly there were several loud bangs and explosions and chaos erupted outside. People were screaming.

"Come on." James grabbed her hand and led her out the back door and towards the Shrieking Shack (A/N: remember, it was still full of (ahem) spirits back then so no one visited it). Once they were on the path they slowed their pace a little bit, enjoying the peace.

"You hired bodyguards?" Lily asked him incredulously.

"Well actually I asked Remus and Sirius to make sure nobody bothered us…then Sirius got this whole 'secret agent' idea and he got the costumes out, and Moony didn't have the heart to say no…"

She laughed.

They had reached the Shack. They sat on the fence for a while, just talking, then lapsed into a comfortable silence. Lily was only vaguely aware that James had not let go of her hand since they had left Madame Puddifoot's…and she rather liked it.

She turned her head to look at him and found he was already looking at her.

_Wow. I love her eyes_, he thought.

He bent down and kissed her.

(A/N: okay, that's over with. Nothing to see here! Moving on!)

**(EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER 11:**

**She went off with Malfoy, and two hours later we are lounging around in the common room, waiting for her to come back. Sirius has fallen asleep and is muttering.**

**"Stupid space aliens…not my fault…the world blew up…" he says stuff like that between snores. It's actually kind of funny.**

**(ten minutes later)**

**The poratrait swung open and Lily came back, pulling Malfoy's hand. When it shut again, Sirius woke up yelling about aliens. Aidan (Remus) shut him up with a well-aimed blow to the head.**

**"I have to do that every time…Hunter… wakes up," he explained. "He has the weirdest dreams."**

**"About mutant pineapples," James offered before returning to glower at Malfoy.)**

(for those of you who were wondering)

_Some of Sirius's Weird Dreams:_

"E…equals…mc squared…weird hair…I'm a genius…" Sirius muttered in his sleep.

"He's been having the weirdest dreams lately…think it has anything to do with Rowan chucking that Bludger at his head?" Remus said.

James shrugged.

(1 week later)

"Giant…mutant…pineapple! …Look out! ….Argghhhhh….big teeth…can't eat pineapple…eating me…"

"This is starting to get really annoying," said James.

"Yeah…you think we can scare it out of him?"

"Whaddya mean?"

Remus conjured up a pineapple with red eyes and fangs, then suspended it over Sirius's bed.

"Fruity…goodness…nooooo…"

"Even his snoring was better than this!" James complained.

Sirius sat up.

"I DO NOT SNORE!"

Then he looked up and saw the pineapple.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

(another week later)

"King Arthur…Muggles…Lancelot…some kid named Ron…Morgan leFaye…damn she's hot…" Sirius muttered.

"SHUT UP, SIRIUS!"

**( EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER SEVEN:**

**When we resumed walking down the corridor, James explained to us (seeing as Sirius was still grinning like a maniac and couldn't stop). **

**"It was Truth or Dare. Wormtail didn't want to play, so we invited Rowan Hall to play. Of course, we figured we needed some help coming up with some creative dares, so we each chugged a bottle of Firewhiskey," he said. Lily snorted.**

**"It was magical Truth or Dare, so there was no chickening out, and Sirius dared Rowan to return to school as a seventeen-year old named Rachael Searle when Prongs's child was in his or her seventh year," Remus said. **

**"And she's going through with it!" Sirius said with an exultant smirk. Lily gave an exasperated sigh and then spoke.**

**"So just kissed a thirty-seven year old woman?"**

**"No! The conditions were that she had to take a Youth Potion then disguise herself. She really is seventeen. She's going to be for the whole year," Sirius explained.**

**"She still acts seventeen, too. She was always hitting you, remember?" James asked.**

**"Oh yeah…" )**

_The Moment of Truth:_

"Too bad Wormtail won't play. Guess we'll have to make do with only three players," James said.

"Or we can ask someone else to play," Remus suggested.

"Like who?" Sirius asked.

"What about Rowan Hall?" He had spotted her arguing with a portrait.

"Rowan Hall?" Sirius and James exclaimed together.

"Moony, are you crazy?" Sirius asked. "You can't mess with Rowan! She chucked a Bludger at me! She throws stuff at me! She likes to hit me!"

"That's because you always insult her somehow. We're just asking if she wants to play a game, it's no big deal!"

"Moony, she set Snivellus on fire. ON FIRE!" James said.

"And then she told him she shouldn't put so much flammable liquid in his hair!" Sirius spoke in a hushed, awed voice.

"How does this relate to Truth or Dare?" Remus asked.

"Just picture what she could do to us!" James hissed. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Hey Rowan!" he called, striding forward. "Wanna play Truth or Dare?"

Rowan turned. She looked startled by the proposal, but then she grinned. It made her look dangerous.

"Sure,"she said.

"Now he's done it," Sirius muttered.

He had no idea.

**(EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER NINE:**

**Being the only sane person in the room, I will be the one who doesn't freak out and actually leaves some important information behind for Harry and Ron. There's a reason we skirted that statue of Theodore the Hairy when we were looking for the Horcrux. It's because we left something important under there. May the force be with you. )**

_The Important Thing Hidden Under the Statue:_

August 3 (another entry in Ron's diary I mean journal)

We finally remembered to look under the statue of Theodore the Hairy What we found was a book. It was totally blank, reminding me of Riddle's diary (shudders).

"Whaddya think we're supposed to do with it?" I asked Harry.

By the way, don't ask how we moved that statue. It's a long story.

Harry tapped the cover with his wand and said, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." Gold lettering appeared, spelling out three words: The Marauders Book.

With a grin, Harry opened it. Inside were four names: Prongs, Padfoot, Moony, and Wormtail. Harry poked 'Padfoot' with his wand, and the pages turned.

It stopped at a table of contents with Sirius's name at the top. Some of the sections were:

Statistics (birthdate, height, eye color, etc.)

Family and Friends

People He's Dated

People He's Dated Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Historic Moments

Funny Stuff

There was more, too.

Harry chose 'Historic Moments.'

A black square covered the page and the back of the previous page, so it was like looking at a Muggle BV screen. A small film started up. Sirius came into view.

"Hello, I am Sirius, the good-looking one of the bunch." A hand came from off-screen and slapped him.

"Anyway, my exciting deeds and ventures must be preserved so that future generations may remember that I am very hot. I mean so that they may remember the chaos brought about by me, the hot one, and my companions. And-"

Lily sat down beside him, interrupting.

"Hey, whatcha doin?" she asked.

Sirius explained it to her.

"But why are you doing this introduction thing beforehand?"

"To provide an analysis of character," Remus supplied from off-screen.

"Oh." Lily called Rowan over.

"Sirius wanted to talk to you," she told the girl.

"What? No I didn't! Why would I want to talk to HER?"

"Rowan whacked him hard and stalked off.

"Owww…What'd you do that for?" Sirius complained.

"Analysis of character: you seriously piss people off," Lily explained.

In the background Moony and Prongs were applauding.

Harry grinned up at me.

**(EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER 3:**

"Hmmm…let's see," I said. "A girl…who's my friend…that I lo-" I stopped there. Blast my phobia of talking about my emotions! That was when I threw my pillow at Hermione, and she fell down the stairs. At the moment I didn't care. I used a Summoning Charm to get my pillow back and then a Barrier Charm to keep any girl out of the dormitory. I think one of the boys is coming up the stairs. I'm going to pretend to be asleep. )

September 7th (an excerpt from Hermione's diary the night after the above)

Ron is so ANNOYING! He made me fall down the stairs!

After that little episode I stalked past a confused Harry and sat myself down next to the Room of Requirement to write.

Why can't he just accept that I really like Draco?

But something he said is bothering me…

_"A girl…who's my friend…that I lo-"_

Did he mean me? I don't know, I can't think! He annoys me so much sometimes!

Sigh.

I just found this freaky looking stuffed dinosaur with bugged out eyes. I'm tempted to put Ronald's face on it and make it spontaneously combust. But no, it might belong to someone.

(another sigh)

I guess I'll just chuck it into the Room of Requirement and hope I never see the hideous thing ever again.

Well, this is the start of what's bound to be an interesting year.

**The End**

**(for real this time)**

(A/N: (authoress can't find words to express her emotions) WAHH! It's done! I'm so happy and sad at the same time! (has emotional breakdown))

THANK YOU FOR READING MY STORY AND FOR SOME PRETTY AWESOME REVIEWS, I'M HAPPY YOU TOOK THE TIME TO READ THIS AND I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!

There, don't you feel special now?

Bye!


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